Code

excluded

your secret language

I’ll never know

or understand

~

~

Stillness

almost 9 months

something’s not right

~

the heartbeat

stopped —

the baby still needs

to be delivered

~

holding you

I’ve never felt

so helpless

~

we held him

we named him

~

he looked

so beautiful

so perfect

blood started

to seep out his nose

then all over

his face

~

my body froze

my heart screamed

~

ever since you died

I’ve wanted to believe

in a heaven

~

~

Mutate

is this

the promise ?

~

dark stillness

tight lungs

wheeze, clench

~

appendages, choke

frantically, clawing

suffocating, ripping

drywall, shelving

~

frantically searching

light

~

some say

we’re only measured

by action

~

not intent

or words

~

~

Sexless

I’m naked

before you

hurt

~

I’ve lost my courage

to try

~

show me

how to nurture

your nature

~

show me

how to love

again

~

~

Why God

we’re educated

to question, wonder

examine critically

~

no longer fearing

hidden truths

behind sacred words

~

I’m learning

to love compassionately

to accept

what I don’t understand

~

wide open

my heart, my eyes

acknowledging

my blindness

~

and that

is okay

~

I’m doubting my way to salvation

~

~

Be The Verb

when we lost

our son

we lost

each other

~

we were shells

empty

hurting

voids

~

different ways

of grieving

disconnected

us

~

our raw pain

forced unrealistic

expectations

upon ourselves

~

feeling

emotionally abandoned

unable to help

heal

~

I’m sorry

I let you down

when you needed

me

~

I’m learning

to forgive

myself

~

~